Elle's Second {eHarm} Date

Let's re-cap. {Blind date} last summer? Meh - I wasn't in the right mindset. Wasn't his fault. No chemistry. Lots of sweat {his}. Something to look back on and laugh. Great confidence booster. First {eHarm} date? Great company. Great time. Great drinks. He decided to harmonize exclusively with some other chick the day after our date {his loss}. I was feeling pretty good about life. Pretty good about meeting gents online. Pretty excited {terrified} to set up my next date. But hey, if they were all going to be like {The Canadian} dating up a storm was going to be cake!

While talking with {The Canadian}, I was also talking with this other guy. Before I met him, I would have called him {The Nerd} - in a good way! But after meeting him in person - I find {The Grandpa} to be more appropriate.

Remember my friend and dating consultant {The Meow}? She was sold on this guy. On paper he appeared equally dorky and fun. She was more excited than I was. {The Meow} was already scheduling double dates in our near future.

I will say that my other friend {The Judge} thought he
looked like Artie from Glee.

After going back and forth for a bit {The Grandpa} finally got up the nerve to ask to meet in person. He initially asked to meet me for brunch but I was feeling ill. {I should have listened to my body - I think it was trying to tell me something}. He left me a message and said "Howdy Elle" {Yep, he actually said howdy}. And then proceeded to blabber on about weather and brunch and meeting in person for a very boring {painful} few minutes. {Again, I should have trusted my instincts...but I thought maybe he was just nervous}!

I. Was. Wrong. So very wrong.

We decided to meet the following Friday for dinner in the Fremont neighborhood of Seattle. It was freezing {literally} and it was his brilliant idea to meet outside in front of the Lenin statue. Good people. This now should have been clue number three to abort the mission. Who decides to meet in front of a statue in 20 degree weather? {The Grandpa} does. So on I went.

So there I am at 6:35pm standing in front of that god damned statue -freezing my ass off- when I hear this warbly voice - "Are you Elle?" Our eyes met for the first time. I was ready for fireworks...And instead I found myself looking into the eyes of. My. Mom. Now seriously, my mom is adorable. She is feminine. And I love her. I count her to be one of my very best friends. She is a woman {obviously}. And she has a few decades on me. So, {NO}, I don't want to be on a date with {a MAN} who resembles my mother.

But I'm not someone who gets down to easy. I jumped right into giving this guy a fair chance. We trotted across the street to Jai Thai and were promptly seated.

It all went down hill from there. He ordered hot {jasmine} tea as his beverage. Period. He. Was. So. Boring. I will not even bore you with the details. But I will tell you it was the {LONGEST} hour and ten minutes of my life. I was so bored, I ate four bites of my Pad See Eew - and asked for a box. He ate his plate. He whined about his brother being married {bitter much?} And then...he ordered dessert. My friends, I am not lying to you. The date crashed. It burned. And {The Grandpa} decided it was a good time to order sticky rice pudding...for us to split? {WTF}? First. Rice is not dessert. Second. Were we not on the same date? I'm signaling for the check and you're ordering dessert? All I could think about was getting home to my new Us Weekly magazine.

So. We split the check. He awkwardly {creepily?} offered me a ride home. And ladies and gentlemen - this is when I knew that {The Grandpa} and I were never to meet again. I, Elle, declined a ride home. I actually thought in my precious little brain, that the bus was a better option.

What did I learn on this date?
1. I should trust my woman's intuition.
2. Don't order hot tea on a date. Just don't. Order a coke. Or a Dr. Pepper. Or an iced tea. Hot {jasmine} tea, does not scream romance.
3. Don't go to dinner on a first date {I already knew this - but lesson learned...again}
4. If your date is signaling for the check, don't order dessert.
5. When a stinky bus ride home sounds more appealing than getting a ride home in a nice clean car - it's just not meant to be.

In fact from now on, I think I'm going to do the {bus test}. If at any moment I decide I don't want a ride home from someone, I'm going to go home to immediately close them online. The End.

FYI - The evening was not a total waste. I was totally and completely proud of myself for getting out there again! {High Five} You gotta kiss a lot of toads before you meet your prince, right?

Maybe if {The Grandpa} had worn this hat to keep warm,
he would not have needed to order HOT TEA.

Happy virtual dating!

xoxo,
Elle