Elle and {The Creeper}

It was bound to happen.

So far my online dating experience has been pleasant. I'd say I've been pretty lucky. Plenty of {geeks}, which I like and no {creeps}.

Weeeeeelllll. We all knew that wasn't going to last forever right?

Once again, I make it through the guided communication with another potential match. We email back and forth once or twice and he asks for my number. He seems normal. He seems nice. I think to myself, why not? I give him my digits and he sends me a text.

Side note: One of my {BIGGEST} pet peeves is shortening words in text messages or in online communication. I don't know why. But it {bothers} me. Big time. If you do this and you are my friend or family member, it's okay. I still love you. But if you are trying to woo me or get me into bed, don't be lazy. If you're too lazy to type out the word "you", I don't want to think about how lazy you are when it comes to other things in your life.

Don't be a cnt. You are better then that.

So he says, "hi, how r u?" And I think to myself, 'Elle, stop the judging. Answer back. Maybe he doesn't have a smart phone.'

Then I think to myself, 'But Elle, do you really want to date some loser who hasn't yet joined the 21st century and bought a smart phone?'

Anyway, I decide to look past his text speak and say something witty I'm sure. He says something else. I respond.

Then he asks me what size my bed is. Wait. What? How did we get from 'how r u', to what size is your bed? Did I miss something here? No, dear readers. I did not. Next question? 'Can I tuck you in?'

Is he trying to start up some kinky phone sex with me? Does he think this is hot? Time to stop texting with {The Creeper}.

But wait. Will he get the hint? Nope. Every day since then, he has texted me "hi, how was ur day?" So. I did what any online dater would do, and I closed him online. His response? 'hi elle, it's {The Creeper}, how r u?"

Ugh. Today is the first day I haven't heard from him. Trust me, I firmly believe that you should tell someone when you are not interested in them. But - he made me feel dirty. I even deleted the thread of messages. And before you call me a {prude} AND {rude} (which I am), it's not that he went to far. I just didn't like the direction he was going...after two text messages.

Elle's Self Potrait

Best of luck to {The Creeper}. There's gotta be a lady out there for him somewhere. I mean there's someone out there for everyone right?

xoxo,
Elle

Elle {and} the Importance of Communication

So I've been at this for a while. Feels like forever. Really it hasn't even been two months. Oh shit. I only have a month left on my subscription. I better hurry up and find a mate! Oh wait. You can't hurry love. No,  you just have to wait. Sigh. That song! So true.
So I'm talking to this guy. We'll call him {The Dentist}. Yep. He's a dentist. Photos? Nothing to write home about {male hair loss}. His story? AH-mazing. He is the most interesting person I have ever spoken to in my life. We go through the guided communication. Email back and forth a few times and he asks if we can meet up.
I start sweating.
Of course we can! I'm fresh off my horrible date with {The Grandpa} and ready to get back out there. {The Dentist} suggests that we grab a cup of coffee. While I'd prefer something a little...harder {liquor is a girls best friend in these situations}, I don't want him to think I'm a lush. So I agree.
I pick out a Starbucks in my neighborhood. And we agree to meet at Noon on a Saturday.
Here we go again. I pick out my outfit. I go through my usual getting ready. I sweat. The usual!
I decide to head down to Starbucks a little early to snag a table and buy my drink. After the disaster with {The Grandpa} I don't want to deal with splitting a bill. Even coffee.
I arrive. Order my drink. Snag a table with a view of the counter {that way I can hightail it out of there if he ends up being a freak...I kid, I kid} and then I. Put. My. Phone. On. Silent. and place it in my purse.
Yup. You guessed it.
I'm pretending to read my book and feel like time is CRAWLING. But tell myself to take it easy he'll be here soon. After an eternity passes I look at my phone. Three text messages and it's 12:32pm. He arrived. He waited outside the coffee shop for me. He never came in. He thought I stood him up. He said a few passive aggressive things. He left.
Mortified.
I texted him. I apologized! He called me. Holy shit. He has a deep voice and an accent. He's already on the freeway. We agree to check our calendars and reconvene later in the week.
Hi. My name is Elle and I over think things. I didn't want to be glued to my phone when he walked in, or be interrupted when we met {what? I'm a very popular girl}, so I over thought it.
Are me and {The Dentist} doomed? Or is this a story we will tell our grandkids? Stay tuned!
What did I learn?
1. Don't put your phone on silent.
2. Agree on where you will meet {inside or outside}?
3. Find a man who will actually come inside the joint for a quick scan to see if you are there...
Ugh. 
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's {Opinion} on THAT Guy

Ugh.

It's days like this that make me think it's {not} possible to find true love online! This guy requested communication with me today:

/////////////////////////// WARNING!!! \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ This profile contains; Adult Language , Adult Content , Psychological Nudity!

UGH. FYI, there was no adult language, adult content or psychological {?} nudity in his profile.

And he had a creepy picture. Like seriously. I'm going to have nightmares. I feel like he is making eye contact with me when I switch to my eHarm tab.

Thank you for the warning.
Now I'm going to close you.

Happy Virtual Dating!
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's {Opinion} on Pure Chocolate

My friend {The Juju} recently {and by recently I mean Friday} signed up for a different online dating website. I personally like to think that she saw how much of a {blast} I've been having on eHarm and just had to join the fun.

I have to say I am quite proud of her! She already has two dates set up for this week. And she had {EVERY} right to be discouraged. One of the first emails she received from a match included this gem:

"I'm about 6'2" and weigh about 227 pounds of pure chocolate."

Luckily Match has a way to let people down easy. And {The Juju} is moving on. She may not be moving on to something bigger...but I think we all agree it will be better.

This guy is cute.

This guy is not.

Moral of the story? Don't refer to yourself as chocolate - not milk, not white, not dark.

Happy Virtual Dating!
xoxo,
Elle