Elle and {The Dutch Guy}

As ya'll know I signed up for okcupid.com since eHarmony failed me with {The Dreaded Friend} Match and I decided paying to meet me some men {husband candidates} wasn't jiving with my {Elle} style.

So I met {The Bus Rider} and we had a lovely little adventure together that commenced with me listening to him recount our date to his buddy on King County Metro Bus #26. Good times were had by all.

In true Elle style, I never put all my eggs in one basket and I had another date lined up that weekend with an okcupid match.

{The Dutch Guy} and I had been talking for several weeks by now but we hadn't had a chance to meet up due to scheduling conflicts. One thing that I thought was especially nice about him was that he wanted to talk on the phone before we met. He insisted. I was terrified, as I barely talk on the phone with my family and think that all phone conversations are horribly awkward. Especially with people you've never met. But we had a great rapport via email and texting and I wasn't going to let one little phone conversation get in the way of meeting this man.

He called me on a Thursday and the phone conversation went fine. Better then fine actually. We talked for about an hour but it only felt like five minutes. This is good right?

He suggested we meet in person. At the zoo.

Every person I consulted with thought this was particularly odd except for me and my good friend {The Meow}. I can always count on {The Meow} to be supportive.

{The Dutch Guy} offered to pick me up which I thought was very sweet, but I thought it would be better to bus it...that way I didn't feel trapped.

My bus arrived at the zoo and there he was waiting for me at the bus stop. How. Sweet. Is. That? He had gotten there early and already bought me a ticket, so there was no awkwardness when it came to paying/entering. But seeing him wait for me at the bus stop made my heart go pitter-patter. This guy is a gentleman, right?

Nine points for {The Dutch Guy}.

The zoo turned out to be one of the very best date spots so far. Conversation came very easy. There were no awkward silences. And if there was ever a lull in conversation, we talked about the animals. I told him a few "must sees" for me and he made sure we spent a lot of time at my favorite exhibits.
We spent several hours at the zoo and went back to my favorite exhibit twice {The Penguins in case you were wondering}. He was the appropriate amount of funny/interesting. And opened every door for me. This guy has class. I. Was. Hooked.

The very sweetest part of our date included a picnic at the end. {The Dutch Guy} had recently been back to Holland to visit his parents and had brought back an entire suitcase full of Dutch treats. He brought a sampling of his favorites on our date and he told me about each of them while we tasted. It was very neat to see his eyes light up as he talked about his home, his favorite food and his family. He asked several questions about me, my family and my life. It was such a relief to be on a date with a guy who took the lead.

We reluctantly realized our date was coming to an end. He drove me home and I got to learn more about another interest of his - racing cars. As he drove me home, he told me he could drop me off a few blocks from my place if I didn't want to tell him where I lived. We had a good chuckle over that.
When we arrived at my place, he told me to hold on for a second - he hopped out of the car and ran around to open my door.

He asked if he could see me again which made my heart pitter-patter again. I realized that this is what a first date is supposed to feel like. I felt a real connection with him and silently celebrated inside my head.

We parted ways with promises to see each other soon. And he sent me a few adorable text  messages later that night.Success! I felt really good about my first two dates from okcupid and couldn't wait to see what would happen next!

I was thrilled that the zoo date had turned out so magical and perfect. I realized it was easier to relax and enjoy myself with distractions. Rather then guzzling cocktails/brewskis and awkwardly looking {I am probably glaring} at each other from across a table. I found it interesting that both guys from okcupid had suggested a similar date - but then I realized that they had been at this longer than me and are probably experts at wooing innocent ladies such as myself.

Happy Virtual Dating!

xoxo,
Elle

Elle and {The Dreaded Friend} Match

Yep. Yep. Yeppers.
This day was bound to come. The day when I discovered Seattle isn't such a big city after all.
Here I am in eHarmony heaven. Minding my own beeswax. Meeting some hotties. Meeting some...creepers. But hey, this is what dating is all about! So far it's been easy to keep my 'real' world separate from my "Elle" world.
My friends, the real world and Elle's world officially collided on March 13, 2011. Luckily, I was drunk.

Booze is necessary when two worlds collide.

For those of you familiar with eHarmony online, you know that when you are on your match page, you see the persons name and age but no picture. Like so:

eHarmony FAIL. Show us a thumbnail photo please!

This poses a problem. Why? Because you can't do a quick scan of the photo before opening them. Why is this important? Because when you open their profile, they can see that you viewed them. Are you catching what I'm throwing? Good.
Luckily, eHarmony joined the 21st century and has an iPhone app! Hello! Dating on the go! On the iPhone app you CAN see a small thumbnail photo of the people you are matched with. Luckily, I'm a tech savvy gal and use the iPhone app.
Anyways. As we previously discussed, every morning I wake up to an email with my matches signed, sealed, delivered just for me. I log in, judge and date. WELL. Luckily, on the day of The {Dreaded Friend} match I ran in the St. Patty's Day match. Which means I had to wake up early. Which means I didn't do my dating first thing in the AM.
Which means that after the race and the boozing, when I finally got around to checking my matches for the day on my phone, I was in a much better place to accept being matched with this {'Friend'}. Let me be clear when I say {'Friend'}, I mean {The X-BF}'s good friend. {FUCK}.
Yep. You read that right. I could just picture the two of them giggling like school girls over my profile. Oh wait. That's what I would do. Not what guys would do. Right? Right?!
After I sobered up, I had a minor freak out. I mean, this was my worst fucking nightmare. Not only the fact that he is {The X-BF's} good friend, BUT. BIG BUT. This guys is HOPELESS. He is the Northwest Profile #56. I. Am. Not. Kidding.

Some girls dig this. I don't.

Elle is not the type to date {Sandals and Socks Guy}. So not only am I mortified that I've been matched with {The X-BF}'s good friend, BUT out off all of his friends they match me with him. What the fuck?! eHarmony {FAIL}.
Anyway. I decided to take the power away from {Sandals and Socks Guy}. I look at his profile for one flat second. And close him.
Three days later, I cancel my eHarmony account. Don't worry, it's good until April 18. And then I'll be on okCupid full time!
How could eHarmony fix this? It's simple in my opinion. Let us users select names of people that we never want to be matched with. I mean come on!
xoxo,
Elle

Elle and {The Dentist} Part II

Okay. So last time we left off, I was telling you about {The Dentist}. We decided to meet up on Thursday. Since he lives in Seattle...and works in Tacoma, we met at 8pm at Spur Gastropub. Uh oh. I sense a pattern here. This is where I've dragged two out of three dates. Here's what I decided. I'll soon become a regular here. And when I arrive with some freak, the bartender can rescue me. Problem solved. But anyway, back to my date.
He's late. Do we have to go through this again? This time I made sure my phone was NOT on silent. I'm sweating in my chair...so I do something very un-Elle like and crack open a bottle of wine. Yep. You heard me right. I start throwing back glasses of wine like my life depends on it. Before I know it, I'm halfway through the bottle and I tell myself to chill out.
I frantically text my friend Stacy who says, "OMG settle down, where are you going? It's not a big deal, if he doesn't like you, fuck him." Oh, thank God for Stacy.
Anyhoo, I get a text saying he is looking for parking. Last Saturday he was really concerned about parking too. I can't hold this against him though. I don't have a car to park...
I turn the lights off in my apartment and see this guy frantically weaving down the sidewalk. It's him, he's here. And I'm tipsy. Shit.
I grab a glass of water and chug. I pop a piece of gum in my mouth and triple check that I turned my straighter off {OCD?} and then head down stairs.
The moment we have all been waiting for. We meet.
He's kind of cute. I'm not falling over myself. He's got that male baldness thing going on, but not in a horrible way. His hair is salt and pepper {hot} and holy shit he says hello. Using my name. And he hugs me. His accent is {hot}. Like seriously. It's freezing out so we decide to book it straight to Spur.
He orders a cocktail and I decide to stick with red wine. He tells me the wine smells delicious. I tell him he smells delicious. Wait. Did I? Who knows? He did though!
We had a great conversation. He's the most interesting person that I've ever met. Ever. I do very little talking but do a lot of asking questions. He's very sweet and his story is incredible. Plus, he works with kids. I mean, how adorable is that.
We shut the place down. He insists on paying. He walks me back to my place. He hugs me again. I stiffen up and run inside.
Okay. So now I know where my area of weakness is. Pretty sure I sent him a strong signal of I need to get the hell outta here, which I am not sure I meant to do. But that's okay! I had a good time. It wasn't love at first sight...but he wasn't like {The Grandpa} - thank God.
There's always next time right?
xoxo,
Elle

Elle {and} the Importance of Communication

So I've been at this for a while. Feels like forever. Really it hasn't even been two months. Oh shit. I only have a month left on my subscription. I better hurry up and find a mate! Oh wait. You can't hurry love. No,  you just have to wait. Sigh. That song! So true.
So I'm talking to this guy. We'll call him {The Dentist}. Yep. He's a dentist. Photos? Nothing to write home about {male hair loss}. His story? AH-mazing. He is the most interesting person I have ever spoken to in my life. We go through the guided communication. Email back and forth a few times and he asks if we can meet up.
I start sweating.
Of course we can! I'm fresh off my horrible date with {The Grandpa} and ready to get back out there. {The Dentist} suggests that we grab a cup of coffee. While I'd prefer something a little...harder {liquor is a girls best friend in these situations}, I don't want him to think I'm a lush. So I agree.
I pick out a Starbucks in my neighborhood. And we agree to meet at Noon on a Saturday.
Here we go again. I pick out my outfit. I go through my usual getting ready. I sweat. The usual!
I decide to head down to Starbucks a little early to snag a table and buy my drink. After the disaster with {The Grandpa} I don't want to deal with splitting a bill. Even coffee.
I arrive. Order my drink. Snag a table with a view of the counter {that way I can hightail it out of there if he ends up being a freak...I kid, I kid} and then I. Put. My. Phone. On. Silent. and place it in my purse.
Yup. You guessed it.
I'm pretending to read my book and feel like time is CRAWLING. But tell myself to take it easy he'll be here soon. After an eternity passes I look at my phone. Three text messages and it's 12:32pm. He arrived. He waited outside the coffee shop for me. He never came in. He thought I stood him up. He said a few passive aggressive things. He left.
Mortified.
I texted him. I apologized! He called me. Holy shit. He has a deep voice and an accent. He's already on the freeway. We agree to check our calendars and reconvene later in the week.
Hi. My name is Elle and I over think things. I didn't want to be glued to my phone when he walked in, or be interrupted when we met {what? I'm a very popular girl}, so I over thought it.
Are me and {The Dentist} doomed? Or is this a story we will tell our grandkids? Stay tuned!
What did I learn?
1. Don't put your phone on silent.
2. Agree on where you will meet {inside or outside}?
3. Find a man who will actually come inside the joint for a quick scan to see if you are there...
Ugh. 
xoxo,
Elle

Elle {and} eHarmony

Alright. I took a break from this blog. I admit it. Dating. Is. Exhausting. Seriously. I already have a full time job...then I have to come home and basically source resumes {profiles} to weed out all the losers. What? It's true. And let me tell you, there is an {ABUNDANCE} of losers on eHarmony. Like big time.
Look, I haven't lied to you. I'm the most judgmental person I know. But I {HAVE} been trying to go easier on these guys. Is it my fault that they are schmucks?
The {Cock} Guy
This guys profile picture is of him standing in front of a sign that I can only assume says Cocktails. He blocked out the 'tails' part and is essentially standing under a sign that says {Cock}. Um. Douche-bag.
The {Dumb} Guy:
He couldn't spell {Halloween}. SPELL CHECK. We've already discussed this in an earlier post.
The {Sexually Knowledgeable} Guy: 
Buy a hooker.
The {Confused} Guy:
On his profile he says he wants kids. In his "Must Have, Can't Stands" he must have someone who supports his decision not to have kids. WHAT?
The {Teeth Matches Yellow Tie} Guy:
Ugh. Use a different photo?
The {Non-Smiling} Guy:
I understand it might not be "cool" to smile, but seriously, you look angry and pissed off. I'm terrified of you.
The {Hiker} Guy{s} - every other match:
UGH. Maybe it's because I live in the Pacific Northwest...but GROSS. You, in your fleece vest, hiking boots and khaki shorts - TURN. OFF. No offense.
Do I sound defeated? I am. But there is always tomorrow!
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's {Opinion} on THAT Guy

Ugh.

It's days like this that make me think it's {not} possible to find true love online! This guy requested communication with me today:

/////////////////////////// WARNING!!! \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ This profile contains; Adult Language , Adult Content , Psychological Nudity!

UGH. FYI, there was no adult language, adult content or psychological {?} nudity in his profile.

And he had a creepy picture. Like seriously. I'm going to have nightmares. I feel like he is making eye contact with me when I switch to my eHarm tab.

Thank you for the warning.
Now I'm going to close you.

Happy Virtual Dating!
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's {Opinion} on Pure Chocolate

My friend {The Juju} recently {and by recently I mean Friday} signed up for a different online dating website. I personally like to think that she saw how much of a {blast} I've been having on eHarm and just had to join the fun.

I have to say I am quite proud of her! She already has two dates set up for this week. And she had {EVERY} right to be discouraged. One of the first emails she received from a match included this gem:

"I'm about 6'2" and weigh about 227 pounds of pure chocolate."

Luckily Match has a way to let people down easy. And {The Juju} is moving on. She may not be moving on to something bigger...but I think we all agree it will be better.

This guy is cute.

This guy is not.

Moral of the story? Don't refer to yourself as chocolate - not milk, not white, not dark.

Happy Virtual Dating!
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's Second {eHarm} Date

Let's re-cap. {Blind date} last summer? Meh - I wasn't in the right mindset. Wasn't his fault. No chemistry. Lots of sweat {his}. Something to look back on and laugh. Great confidence booster. First {eHarm} date? Great company. Great time. Great drinks. He decided to harmonize exclusively with some other chick the day after our date {his loss}. I was feeling pretty good about life. Pretty good about meeting gents online. Pretty excited {terrified} to set up my next date. But hey, if they were all going to be like {The Canadian} dating up a storm was going to be cake!

While talking with {The Canadian}, I was also talking with this other guy. Before I met him, I would have called him {The Nerd} - in a good way! But after meeting him in person - I find {The Grandpa} to be more appropriate.

Remember my friend and dating consultant {The Meow}? She was sold on this guy. On paper he appeared equally dorky and fun. She was more excited than I was. {The Meow} was already scheduling double dates in our near future.

I will say that my other friend {The Judge} thought he
looked like Artie from Glee.

After going back and forth for a bit {The Grandpa} finally got up the nerve to ask to meet in person. He initially asked to meet me for brunch but I was feeling ill. {I should have listened to my body - I think it was trying to tell me something}. He left me a message and said "Howdy Elle" {Yep, he actually said howdy}. And then proceeded to blabber on about weather and brunch and meeting in person for a very boring {painful} few minutes. {Again, I should have trusted my instincts...but I thought maybe he was just nervous}!

I. Was. Wrong. So very wrong.

We decided to meet the following Friday for dinner in the Fremont neighborhood of Seattle. It was freezing {literally} and it was his brilliant idea to meet outside in front of the Lenin statue. Good people. This now should have been clue number three to abort the mission. Who decides to meet in front of a statue in 20 degree weather? {The Grandpa} does. So on I went.

So there I am at 6:35pm standing in front of that god damned statue -freezing my ass off- when I hear this warbly voice - "Are you Elle?" Our eyes met for the first time. I was ready for fireworks...And instead I found myself looking into the eyes of. My. Mom. Now seriously, my mom is adorable. She is feminine. And I love her. I count her to be one of my very best friends. She is a woman {obviously}. And she has a few decades on me. So, {NO}, I don't want to be on a date with {a MAN} who resembles my mother.

But I'm not someone who gets down to easy. I jumped right into giving this guy a fair chance. We trotted across the street to Jai Thai and were promptly seated.

It all went down hill from there. He ordered hot {jasmine} tea as his beverage. Period. He. Was. So. Boring. I will not even bore you with the details. But I will tell you it was the {LONGEST} hour and ten minutes of my life. I was so bored, I ate four bites of my Pad See Eew - and asked for a box. He ate his plate. He whined about his brother being married {bitter much?} And then...he ordered dessert. My friends, I am not lying to you. The date crashed. It burned. And {The Grandpa} decided it was a good time to order sticky rice pudding...for us to split? {WTF}? First. Rice is not dessert. Second. Were we not on the same date? I'm signaling for the check and you're ordering dessert? All I could think about was getting home to my new Us Weekly magazine.

So. We split the check. He awkwardly {creepily?} offered me a ride home. And ladies and gentlemen - this is when I knew that {The Grandpa} and I were never to meet again. I, Elle, declined a ride home. I actually thought in my precious little brain, that the bus was a better option.

What did I learn on this date?
1. I should trust my woman's intuition.
2. Don't order hot tea on a date. Just don't. Order a coke. Or a Dr. Pepper. Or an iced tea. Hot {jasmine} tea, does not scream romance.
3. Don't go to dinner on a first date {I already knew this - but lesson learned...again}
4. If your date is signaling for the check, don't order dessert.
5. When a stinky bus ride home sounds more appealing than getting a ride home in a nice clean car - it's just not meant to be.

In fact from now on, I think I'm going to do the {bus test}. If at any moment I decide I don't want a ride home from someone, I'm going to go home to immediately close them online. The End.

FYI - The evening was not a total waste. I was totally and completely proud of myself for getting out there again! {High Five} You gotta kiss a lot of toads before you meet your prince, right?

Maybe if {The Grandpa} had worn this hat to keep warm,
he would not have needed to order HOT TEA.

Happy virtual dating!

xoxo,
Elle

Elle {Poses} a Question to Readers

Tonight a match requested communication with me and this was one of his questions:

{What is your opinion on your mate having opposite sex friendships?}
A) I believe that both partners should have and actively pursue opposite sex friendships.
B) I'm comfortable with a few well-established opposite sex friendships.
C) I don't mind opposite sex friends for my mate as long as I'm included in the socializing.
D) I would probably be uncomfortable with my mate having opposite sex friendships.

It's the first time I received this question and I actually had to take some time to think about it. In my last relationship I didn't allow enough time for my own friendships. I invested time in him and his friends {of both sexes}. However, he didn't have too many {if any} female friends that didn't come with a significant other {and the significant other was usually his friend in the first place}. Am I a jealous person by nature? Am I comfortable with my S.O. having good female friends? If they have boyfriends {or girlfriends I suppose} would that make me more comfortable? Can single women and single men really be friends?

Does this eventually happen with all M & F friends?
Fun fact: I have those sheets but no, those aren't my feet.

Are there really no strings attached?
Fun Fact: After seeing this movie, I considered going to med school.
Natalie Portman made it look fun.

Can you guess what I answered? I struggled between B & C.
{And finally went with B.} What do you think?

Happy virtual dating!
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's First {eHarm} Date

Alright, ALRIGHT! I know you all have been DYING to know about my very first date set up by my good friend, eHarmony.
Here's how it all went down. I was matched with this guy. We'll call him {The Canadian}. Why? You guessed it. He's Canadian. I checked out his profile. He. Did. Not. Present. Well. He had three photos. He looked scared/shocked in all of them. He was wearing a shirt that reminded me of Jersey Shore...Gross.

Seattle ain't Jersey Shore yo.

I forgot to tell you one little thing about me. It's kind of important. Here goes. Hi. I'm Elle. I'm one of the most judgmental people that you'll ever meet. Remember how I told you earlier that I seeked out professional help during the break-up? Well, I'm still seeing her. We'll call her the {Voice of Reason}.  The {Voice of Reason} and I are working on me not being so judgmental. Her advice to me during this time in my life was to come up with a list of absolute 'can't stands', but then after that give everyone a chance who starts the communication process with me. We can talk about my absolute 'can't stands' another time.
So {The Canadian} did not present well online. His profile was semi-boring. He looked shocked and somewhat feminine in his photos. And he wrote like English might be his second language {poor grammar}.
However, when he started the communication process with me, I had the {Voice of Reason} in the back of my head and I decided to give him a chance. I did what any {girl} would do - and consulted with my friends on every communication that was exchanged between us.
Now, keep in mind, that I am new to the online dating world. {The Canadian} come to find out, is an old pro. He asked me for my number and all I could think about is -what a creep! What is he moving so fast?! {he wasn't...}. So again, I did what any {neurotic} girl would do and I made up a new email address that he couldn't trace to me - even if he hired a private detective. {Side Bar: Why did I make up a fake email address? My dating consultant and good friend, we'll call her {The Meow}, is a professional online stalker and she found {The Canadian's} facebook page, several of his family members facebook pages {hello Jersey Shore} and his blood type with just a few quick swipes on the keyboard. Her response to what she discovered? "This doesn't look like your crowd."}
After exchanging a few emails -via my fake email address- I finally grew a pair got up the nerve to give him my number on Sunday, February 13th - otherwise known as the day before Valentine's Day. He texted me that evening and asked if I had plans. I didn't. After going back and forth for a while -where he actually invite me to his house for dinner {I told him I already ate. I hadn't}- we finally decided to meet at my place at 9pm. Between that moment and 9pm I exchanged approximately 10,000 text messages with several friends. I. Was. Nervous.
Two of my favorite pieces of advise? 1. Take a shot. 2. Stand in front of the freezer {I sweat when I am nervous.}

Girls Best Friend. Pre-Date {and maybe Post-Date}

{The Canadian} arrived a few minutes before 9. We walked in the rain {he shared his umbrella} to Spur Gastropub to grab a few drinks. He was so much better in person! He was very well-spoken. He was actually good-looking {not shocked-looking}. There was no Jerseylicious shirt in site. And he had the most adorable Canadian accent.
Conversation came easy. He tried three different cocktails {'down' - google it} and I tried to be 'man-friendly' by ordering Stella Artois {Is that man-friendly?}. He referenced things from my profile and from our email exchanges. I did the same. He laughed about how it was creepy/weird that he invited me over for dinner. We were there until they shut the bar down. It was SO much better than the blind date of 2010. He slyly paid the bill {what a gentleman}. He walked me to my door. He texted me to make sure I made it up the elevator okay. He told me he had a great time. I wasn't sure how I felt about him, but I did have a great time.
And then two days later he told me he had a Valentine. What? Were you expecting that? I wasn't. But I had a great time and I am so glad I went! It was a great first experience to get back in the game. And I felt a sense of pride for getting out of my comfort zone.
What I learned:
A. Dating won't kill you, it will only make you {stronger}.
B. It's better to meet {in person} then to drag out the virtual dating.
C. Stock your freezer with {vodka} for a pre-date drink.
Please tell me there are other people out there who share my fear of dating {sweat much?}. And that there are other people who have had a fantastic first dates - that go nowhere. CHAWK-ward. But it makes for a great story. Right?
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's First {Blind} Date

How did I get here {testing my wits/paying for a dating service}? It all started last summer when {I pretended} I was ready to start dating. I went on my first {blind} date pre-eharmony.com. {And I lived to tell about it.}

My parents were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary {congrats to them!} and my siblings and I threw them a fabulous party to celebrate their big day.  I was designated photographer and got to mix and mingle with some interesting folks from my parents past and present. One older gentleman and I got to talking - and laughing - and he declared that he would love to set me up with his son. I figured I might as well take a chance, right?

We met after exchanging a few emails for happy hour at an adorable gastro-tavern called Black Bottle in the heart of our Seattle. He was SUCH a gentleman. But there were two things - {A}. I felt no chemistry. {B}. I was not ready to date {which is probably part of the reason why I felt no chemistry}.
He also had this going against him {it was one of the hottest days of the year...but I dressed smartly and wore a white t-shirt}:

Bless his heart.

Needless to say, I didn't end up going out with him again. I just wasn't feeling it and I decided I needed some more {Elle} time before diving back into the dating world. It was a pleasant and terrifying experience all at once and I'm glad I got back out there if only for a moment...but it wasn't my time...yet.

What I learned from my blind date:
A. Dating is hard {and scary}.
B. After a break-up the only way to know if you are ready to date again- is if you get back out there and try {it's okay if it turns out that you're not ready just yet}.
C. Dating can be a confidence booster {I suppose it can crush you too - but we won't focus on that}.
D. If you sweat a lot, you should wear a light colored t-shirt {and maybe bring a stick of deodorant}.

Have you been on a blind date before? What have you learned?

Trust me, if I did it. You can do it too.

Elle