Elle's First Guest Post from {The General}

Happy Friday to All! Today you are in for a special treat. A friend of mine, we'll call her {The General}, has a true story to share about dating {a 25 year-old} in the 21st century.

The {Back Story}:
{The General} has been seeing this guy, we'll call him {The Soldier} for a few months. He's 25, she's 32. She's quick to point out that that's a seven year age gap. Her philosophy is that all relationships teach you something {true} - and they might just be good for one thing {sex?}.

As told by {The General}:

I got a {mere} four hours of sleep the night before last because {The Soldier} snored all night...well  and we had s*x three times.  So yesterday, I was really looking forward to going home to an empty house and spending the night being mellow {catching up on sleep}.  HOWEVER…

Before I left for work, {The Soldier} asked if he could stay a little later and do one load of laundry. I said sure so, when I left for work he was still at my house.  I told him to be nice to my dog and to text me when he was done his laundry and leaving my house.  I never received {that text}. Why? Don't worry. I soon found out. When I walked through my door at 5pm {HE WAS STILL THERE}.  Did he ask me if he could stay all day?  No.  Did he actually do {that} one load of laundry?  No.  He played video games and watched TV…all day. I was so irritated, tired and cranky - I just wanted to be alone.  Instead I had to have a {fun}  conversation with {The Soldier} about BOUNDARIES and why staying at my house all day {while I am AT WORK} is not appropriate. I was as {kind} as I could possibly be given my lack of sleep and {complete} exhaustion.  After we had that {fun} conversation he was completely mortified which of course made me feel like a jerk.  So I made some dinner {nachos}, poured some wine {red} and we had s*x {twice}. We watched a little TV {CSI} and ate ice cream straight from the containers {yum}.

End of story?  Nope.

He actually {DID} do something beyond watching tv and playing video games all day.  Are you ready for this?  Prepare yourselves… I am {dead} serious.  Get ready...

{He.  Shaved.  His.  B*lls.  In my bathroom…In my shower to be more specific.} GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, on top of being exhausted, I had to pretend to like his completely {bald} makeover.  “Wow, your p*nis looks really big now, babe.  And your b*lls are so big!  I love your new look.”  Yes, those words actually came out of my mouth. As I said earlier, I felt bad about our {talk} on boundaries so I was trying my hardest to be {The NICE General}.

This is what dating a 25-year-old entails.  Great s*x...but this crap as well.

L.O.L

xoxoxo,
{The General}

Elle {Poses} a Question to Readers

Tonight a match requested communication with me and this was one of his questions:

{What is your opinion on your mate having opposite sex friendships?}
A) I believe that both partners should have and actively pursue opposite sex friendships.
B) I'm comfortable with a few well-established opposite sex friendships.
C) I don't mind opposite sex friends for my mate as long as I'm included in the socializing.
D) I would probably be uncomfortable with my mate having opposite sex friendships.

It's the first time I received this question and I actually had to take some time to think about it. In my last relationship I didn't allow enough time for my own friendships. I invested time in him and his friends {of both sexes}. However, he didn't have too many {if any} female friends that didn't come with a significant other {and the significant other was usually his friend in the first place}. Am I a jealous person by nature? Am I comfortable with my S.O. having good female friends? If they have boyfriends {or girlfriends I suppose} would that make me more comfortable? Can single women and single men really be friends?

Does this eventually happen with all M & F friends?
Fun fact: I have those sheets but no, those aren't my feet.

Are there really no strings attached?
Fun Fact: After seeing this movie, I considered going to med school.
Natalie Portman made it look fun.

Can you guess what I answered? I struggled between B & C.
{And finally went with B.} What do you think?

Happy virtual dating!
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's {Opinion} on Checking Your Spelling

Hello All - Today I was matched with {this guy}:

"I love going on walks. I love hiking and seeing nature. I love dancing with my partner. I also dont ming staying home and watching a movie."

A couple of things come to mind.

1. First and foremost. Spell check is a beautiful thing. Use it. Often. It's there for a reason. You know when you are typing and the little red dots appear under a word you just wrote? That means you misspelled something. Right click. Select the word you meant to type. Boom. Fixed. Like I said, spell check is a beautiful thing.

2. You are on a dating site. Don't write "I love dancing with my partner." Just don't do it. Period. Unless you elaborate on what that means.

I picture you and your partner
Dirty Dancing. And I feel jealous.

Happy virtual dating!

xoxo,

Elle

Elle's First {eHarm} Date

Alright, ALRIGHT! I know you all have been DYING to know about my very first date set up by my good friend, eHarmony.
Here's how it all went down. I was matched with this guy. We'll call him {The Canadian}. Why? You guessed it. He's Canadian. I checked out his profile. He. Did. Not. Present. Well. He had three photos. He looked scared/shocked in all of them. He was wearing a shirt that reminded me of Jersey Shore...Gross.

Seattle ain't Jersey Shore yo.

I forgot to tell you one little thing about me. It's kind of important. Here goes. Hi. I'm Elle. I'm one of the most judgmental people that you'll ever meet. Remember how I told you earlier that I seeked out professional help during the break-up? Well, I'm still seeing her. We'll call her the {Voice of Reason}.  The {Voice of Reason} and I are working on me not being so judgmental. Her advice to me during this time in my life was to come up with a list of absolute 'can't stands', but then after that give everyone a chance who starts the communication process with me. We can talk about my absolute 'can't stands' another time.
So {The Canadian} did not present well online. His profile was semi-boring. He looked shocked and somewhat feminine in his photos. And he wrote like English might be his second language {poor grammar}.
However, when he started the communication process with me, I had the {Voice of Reason} in the back of my head and I decided to give him a chance. I did what any {girl} would do - and consulted with my friends on every communication that was exchanged between us.
Now, keep in mind, that I am new to the online dating world. {The Canadian} come to find out, is an old pro. He asked me for my number and all I could think about is -what a creep! What is he moving so fast?! {he wasn't...}. So again, I did what any {neurotic} girl would do and I made up a new email address that he couldn't trace to me - even if he hired a private detective. {Side Bar: Why did I make up a fake email address? My dating consultant and good friend, we'll call her {The Meow}, is a professional online stalker and she found {The Canadian's} facebook page, several of his family members facebook pages {hello Jersey Shore} and his blood type with just a few quick swipes on the keyboard. Her response to what she discovered? "This doesn't look like your crowd."}
After exchanging a few emails -via my fake email address- I finally grew a pair got up the nerve to give him my number on Sunday, February 13th - otherwise known as the day before Valentine's Day. He texted me that evening and asked if I had plans. I didn't. After going back and forth for a while -where he actually invite me to his house for dinner {I told him I already ate. I hadn't}- we finally decided to meet at my place at 9pm. Between that moment and 9pm I exchanged approximately 10,000 text messages with several friends. I. Was. Nervous.
Two of my favorite pieces of advise? 1. Take a shot. 2. Stand in front of the freezer {I sweat when I am nervous.}

Girls Best Friend. Pre-Date {and maybe Post-Date}

{The Canadian} arrived a few minutes before 9. We walked in the rain {he shared his umbrella} to Spur Gastropub to grab a few drinks. He was so much better in person! He was very well-spoken. He was actually good-looking {not shocked-looking}. There was no Jerseylicious shirt in site. And he had the most adorable Canadian accent.
Conversation came easy. He tried three different cocktails {'down' - google it} and I tried to be 'man-friendly' by ordering Stella Artois {Is that man-friendly?}. He referenced things from my profile and from our email exchanges. I did the same. He laughed about how it was creepy/weird that he invited me over for dinner. We were there until they shut the bar down. It was SO much better than the blind date of 2010. He slyly paid the bill {what a gentleman}. He walked me to my door. He texted me to make sure I made it up the elevator okay. He told me he had a great time. I wasn't sure how I felt about him, but I did have a great time.
And then two days later he told me he had a Valentine. What? Were you expecting that? I wasn't. But I had a great time and I am so glad I went! It was a great first experience to get back in the game. And I felt a sense of pride for getting out of my comfort zone.
What I learned:
A. Dating won't kill you, it will only make you {stronger}.
B. It's better to meet {in person} then to drag out the virtual dating.
C. Stock your freezer with {vodka} for a pre-date drink.
Please tell me there are other people out there who share my fear of dating {sweat much?}. And that there are other people who have had a fantastic first dates - that go nowhere. CHAWK-ward. But it makes for a great story. Right?
xoxo,
Elle

Elle's {Opinion} on the use of the word Killing & Online Dating

Soooo...Every morning I wake up to an email. Signed, sealed, delivered just for me {and hundreds of other women in the Seattle area with probably the exact same seven matches}. Sometimes I can't bare the excitement - and I have to sneak a peek - AT WORK. Hello, I could be matched with my future husband - TODAY - and nothing is going to get in the way of that!
Well today was one of those days - I was too excited to wait until the end of the day. But it ended as soon as it began. Why? Because I was matched with this guy. eHarmony asks you the one thing you are most passionate about. And this was his answer:

{"I am passionate about killing and seeing nature. I also love to travel and explore new things."}

WHAT?! Is this happening? Is this guy serious? Yes. Yes. He. Is. I feel like he is peeking through my window right now...
To make matters worse? He had NO PHOTO. Not apro-pros my friends. Hello, Dexter or that guy from Saw.  I don't mean to be judgmental. But come on. This guy was leaving too much to the imagination. And it was screaming serial killer.

"Killing" guy is creepier than the Burger King guy.
And the Burger King guy is creepy.

How about you say you like hunting? Remove the word 'kill' and we might be able to talk. Instead you have now been 'archived', never to hear from my totally awesome non-killing self. Word choice my friends. It's called a thesaurus. It's free. Use it.

And that's how the mood was killed on this blissful morning. I'm too terrified to log in again today. But I know those six other matches will still be there tomorrow.

First thing on my list of things to do? Have my friends review my profile. I want to make sure I don't have any mood-killers on my profile!

xoxo,

Elle

Elle's {Opinion} on Occupations

Gentlemen, If this is you, please take note.

Golf is not an occupation, unless you are Tiger Woods. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

This is hot, but it is not you.

Calling yourself a physician and posting a picture of yourself in your white coat is unfortunately not a turn on. It makes you look kind of douchey. Don't get me wrong, be proud that you are a physician! We believe you! But we don't need a visual.

This guy is cute. But he is a model.
And even he looks a little douchey.

xoxo, Elle

Elle's First {Blind} Date

How did I get here {testing my wits/paying for a dating service}? It all started last summer when {I pretended} I was ready to start dating. I went on my first {blind} date pre-eharmony.com. {And I lived to tell about it.}

My parents were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary {congrats to them!} and my siblings and I threw them a fabulous party to celebrate their big day.  I was designated photographer and got to mix and mingle with some interesting folks from my parents past and present. One older gentleman and I got to talking - and laughing - and he declared that he would love to set me up with his son. I figured I might as well take a chance, right?

We met after exchanging a few emails for happy hour at an adorable gastro-tavern called Black Bottle in the heart of our Seattle. He was SUCH a gentleman. But there were two things - {A}. I felt no chemistry. {B}. I was not ready to date {which is probably part of the reason why I felt no chemistry}.
He also had this going against him {it was one of the hottest days of the year...but I dressed smartly and wore a white t-shirt}:

Bless his heart.

Needless to say, I didn't end up going out with him again. I just wasn't feeling it and I decided I needed some more {Elle} time before diving back into the dating world. It was a pleasant and terrifying experience all at once and I'm glad I got back out there if only for a moment...but it wasn't my time...yet.

What I learned from my blind date:
A. Dating is hard {and scary}.
B. After a break-up the only way to know if you are ready to date again- is if you get back out there and try {it's okay if it turns out that you're not ready just yet}.
C. Dating can be a confidence booster {I suppose it can crush you too - but we won't focus on that}.
D. If you sweat a lot, you should wear a light colored t-shirt {and maybe bring a stick of deodorant}.

Have you been on a blind date before? What have you learned?

Trust me, if I did it. You can do it too.

Elle